Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Girls--have a sense of humor....

Culled from one of my favourite blogs....
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, we were all over each other and just when I was ready to pound nails through two inch plywood she looks up at me and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her

13 Comments:

At 4/25/2006 04:37:00 PM, Blogger kelitu said...

Oh snap! I did not see that end coming. lol!@ "not intouch with my financial needs..."

 
At 4/25/2006 05:05:00 PM, Blogger Instigator said...

@ kelitu
I gotta try that some time!Give a gal a surprise ending!

 
At 4/26/2006 12:40:00 AM, Blogger mudskippah said...

Cold as ice.

 
At 4/26/2006 02:14:00 AM, Blogger Dudusquad said...

That would be nice.
For a change

 
At 4/26/2006 01:46:00 PM, Blogger kelitu said...

instigator, trust you me the stunts IMF is pulling on Kenya (nyimaing AID)will be small time in comparison to the way you will be frozen goodies. lol!

 
At 4/26/2006 02:23:00 PM, Blogger Instigator said...

@ mudskippah
Cold is the way to go!
@ dudusquad
But it rarely happens!
@ kelitu
It would take a strong man to do that!

 
At 4/27/2006 10:54:00 AM, Blogger dangerously_shy said...

Not impressed at all!! Lol...i hope the mama you try it on has the sense to starve you for life..

 
At 4/28/2006 07:01:00 AM, Blogger Instigator said...

@ D shy
It is time mamas got a taste of their own medicine!

 
At 4/28/2006 07:13:00 AM, Blogger lissingmink said...

i am lookin forward to the sequel. why do i have this niggling feeling that she's goin to give it back to you shaken, pressed down and flowing over-...

 
At 4/30/2006 11:15:00 PM, Blogger kritik said...

damn!!!!
i missed this!
brilliant!

 
At 5/04/2006 07:19:00 AM, Blogger The Devious One said...

Dayum ! didnt se ethat one coming either, I pat the dude on the back for the quick comeback ha ha ha ha

Thats a good one !

 
At 10/16/2006 12:38:00 AM, Blogger mwasjd said...

Instg

You are a killer. Congrats on the brilliant counter move. I admit I didn't see it also. You have game, but will it be enuff to save the dame?

 
At 2/11/2008 01:42:00 PM, Blogger dennis said...

dude! that is a classic coup de grace on the lass! lol! thats what i call keepin up with the joneses!

 

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