Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I have decided that today I will not be spewing bile on anyone but instead I would like to get your opinions.
First I would like all of you who pass through here to give me a list of 5 things that your dislike.This can range from things that make you discomfortable to things that make your blood boil!
Second, I am opening this blog to topics that you would like me to blog about.1 topic per person please!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Don't mess with gold diggers!

The gold digger is a dangerous breed that will turn feral once it's expected feeding habits are not met.Men who have trouble obtaining beautiful and viable mates are encouraged to stay away from them and embrace singlehood as the consequences are not worth the scant and short term pleasure as the poor geezer in the story found out!

Monday, March 27, 2006

To My American friends and Workmates: Pets Are Not Children!
I love animals and you can find me watching the National Geographic and Discovery channel many times if you came to my apartment.Other then the last year which I have spent here with no time or space for a pet I have had dogs since I was six years old.Pets especially dogs rock but at the end of that let them be just that..pets.
One of my work mates goes on and on about her dog and the way it thinks that it's human and the neurotic relationship it has with the cat.That’s strike one for Americans (women in particular), who will begin a show-and-tell tale at any random point over their pet’s lifeline and finish no one knows the f@ck where because there’s no point to any of it anyway. No one gives a shit if the cat turns purple in the winter time or the hamster likes the raisins more than the sunflower seeds. Leave that kind of life sucking bullsh8t in the diary or the equally horsesh8t LiveJournal.
Here’s strike two. Pets are not babies. No matter how much my workmate wants everyone to think the pup in her lap has been brewing inside of her for nine months, it f8cking hasn’t. It was a few hundred bucks and there’s like a billion of them. That means no one wants to see pictures of the ugly thing, no one wants to hear about baby’s first poop, and no agency is going to come haul anyone away if the pup misses a few meals. It’s not a big deal.
How many times have you seen a dog in a sweater or in a purse? Probably not a lot, but when you did, you can bet your ass that most probably it is one of those American mamas ie paris hilton or the irritating lady in the apartment next door. No self respecting man should ever had a bunch of pictures of his pets in his wallet or his Man Bag that he’s ready to whip out on the unsuspecting at a moment’s notice.
Please oh please get a life!
ps:Distribute to your workmates!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

A short tour of KBW blogs has shown me that many if not all bloggers seem to be pro gay no fanatically pro gay which I as the Instigator have no problem with as I believe that we are all entitled to our own beliefs no matter how misguided they are.I for one do not approve of the gay lifestye on bit but I am not homophobic, the word phobic connotes fear.I do not fear gays in fact I know some and they don't make a single hair rise on my forearm.But you know how it is with the rainbow brigade, once you disapprove you are the next Hitler.But to clear up this whole issue I sat down for an interview with a reporter from the gay magazine unzipped about my sexual status and how it made me who I am today and the challenges I face as a straight black man in an increasingly gay friendly society.

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality? Society, with a bit of help from genetics.

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual? Kindergarten, when I became scared to death of girls. How little things change...

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? Possible, but highly unlikely, it's just so much more fun. Plus take a moment to consider this: Girl offering pussy = GOOD. Guy giving head (or asshole) = BAD.

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of the same sex? Oh yes, this is the main cause of heterosexuality. If I didn't run screaming at even the mere thought of a dick up my ass, there's no way I could keep my life in order. A good homophobia is the best thing really. Nothing quite like it for keepin' you in line.

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay lover? Eh, probably not. See, there'd be the penis/butt envy thing. If I'm bigger and/or better he'll just feel jealous, and it'll never work. If he's bigger and/or better, well I'd just lie in a corner sobbing for an hour--it could just never work.

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failure in gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear or rejection? Yes, I think this is what it is. Men are so much easier to approach then women, and you never have to guess what they're thinking the way you do with women. Yes, men are much easier to figure out and avoid rejection with. Sure.

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer that? Because it's disgusting. Next question.

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual? I blame that on repressed homosexuality. See, these people really aren't hetero, they're just so messed up that they have no idea. The problem is that they've gone crazy due to all the repressed gay inside.

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react? Shock. "INSTIGATOR?! Likes women?? OMG I HAD NO IDEA!!" is a common response. Shocking, I know.

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do you feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation? See, I don't really. I'm not going to seduce a gay guy--into anything really (especially not my bed), and why would I want to seduce a lesbian into becoming straight? Lesbians can make the best friends especially the butch ones whom you can go to the gym with.

11. If you chose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face? Well, I would try my best to raise them right, and if they turn out hetero, well, I'll try not to think of myself as a failure.

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers? Not at all. This is why priests are so much safer. With all the gay men driven to the priesthood to avoid discrimination and sin, I feel much safer sending little Jimmy off with Father Pedophile than I do having him learn from some old lady--who I just know lusts after him.

13. Why do you insist on making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet? Not really. See, I am a man. Everytime one of us men gets a woman into a heterosexual relationship with us, we really can't believe that it's actually happened. This is why we must take every oppurtunity available to flaunt it in public. Gays are dime a dozen, nothing to be proud of there.

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, healthy, God-given homosexual potential? Another man's penis and/or anus is disgusting.Next question!

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing? Because as a man, it's my role is to work hard for my woman as she goes out to shop at Victoria's secret and goes home to get ready for some hot Instigator love!

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotinal rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and tempermental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman and vice versa? We don't have to. With men, it's simple, there's an on/off button. And women have the parts that trigger the on. Namely, boobs.

17. Why do heterosexuals place such emphasis on sex? Because we're afraid of it/need it desperately and it feels so damn good!

18. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual, considering the menace of overpopulation? Simple. We'd just kill each other off systematically.

19. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients and other irresponsible anti-social types are heterosexual. Why would anyone want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?They dont know how to dress, are so untidy and they dont like bright colors!

20. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual? Very much so! Subconsciously, all men desire to kill other men for their women, and all women desire to kill other women for their shoes.

21. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous? Now I feel like your stereotyping. Heteros are people too you know! There are promiscuous heteros and monogomous heteros and loser heteros who just can't get any. We're all different. Your hate makes me hate. It's the circle of life. Elton John's hair frightens and confuses me. But I still love him dearly.

22. Why do you make the point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality? Oh yes. That and, if I knew some great gorgeous actress was gay, well, the temptation of switching sides--I just don't want to face that.

23. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear he/she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings? I trust no one. They're all out to get me. Especially unamed KBW bloggers. You heard me, I'm on to you! You'll never get away with it!!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Same-Sex Married Couples Divorcing at High Rates in Scandinavia

(March 2006) While legalizing same-sex marriage continues to be a political lightning rod in the United States, a new study in the journal Demography says such marriages have scant participation and high rates of divorce in Sweden and Norway, where they have been legal for at least a decade.

The study is the first in-depth look at the demographics of same-sex marriages in these countries, where gay and lesbian couples may enter into registered partnerships that are legally identical to heterosexual marriages—including divorce procedures. But most gay couples aren't taking advantage of the right to marry: There were 1,293 same-sex partnerships in Norway between 1993 and 2001, compared with 196,000 heterosexual marriages during the same period (a ratio of 7 to every 1,000). In Sweden, the ratio was even lower—about 5 same-sex marriages for every 1,000 straight ones.

And those gays and lesbians who did get married were far more likely to get divorced. The risk of male partnerships splitting up was 50 percent more than for heterosexual marriages, and lesbian partnerships dissolved at twice the rate of male ones. The authors say that these figures are not surprising given that gay people have felt far less normative pressure to marry. As for why female couples split up more than male ones, the authors speculate that women in these partnerships are more sociodemographically similar, which means less-clear relational power structures, and generally more sensitive to the quality of relationships than men.

–Robert Lalasz, PRB Senior Editor

Reference

Gunnar Andersson et al., "The Demographics of Same-Sex Marriages in Norway and Sweden," Demography 43, no. 1 (2006): 79-98.

So what does this article say to me?I think that same sex marriages should be legalised as from the situation in Scandinavia we can see that gays/lesbians can't handle marriage at all.The norms of homosexual relationships (short term commitment and promiscuity are not compatible with the long term goals of marriage) add to this the lack of predefined roles and you have the recipe for trouble.In hetero relationships roles are clear cut and lately with the coming of things like feminism that blurred traditional roles did we begin to see the high divorce rates that we see today.In gay relationships who is the head and who is the tail?At times the dominant party in the bedroom is not the dominant party when it comes to decision making or in many cases the roles constantly shift thus setting the relationship on a sandy foundation.We now know that even in an environment with no pressure like Scandinavia gays/lesbians dont want to marry and even when they do they are not going to last.So let's stop panicking and give them what they want besides which marriage isn't that great for straight people anymore...

I am a staunch anti-self help books and motivational sermons person especially when they are used as a crutch and a substitute for action.I found an article that sums up my feelings about them...

Beware of Self-Help Gurus

Marty Nemko

Imagine a doctor urged you to undergo a treatment and encouraged you with tales of successful patients. He failed, however, to mention that the treatment fails with 90 percent of patients like you. You’d sue and win in any court in the land.

Yet self-help gurus routinely make similar recommendations without reprisal. For example, haven’t you heard a guru intone that the secret of success is self-esteem, affirmations, or meditation? Or urge you to “dream it and you can do it.”? Or even “Don’t push. When it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” You’re skeptical but gurus seduce you with tales of how they or an acolyte, with a dream and some effort, went from depressed to delighted, rags to riches, dung shoveler to star.

What the gurus don’t tell you are the odds. Sure, it worked for their cherry-picked exemplar or for themselves. After all, they were smart, driven, and/or lucky enough to get a book published or to appear on Oprah. The problem is that the typical consumer of their nostrums isn’t as smart, driven, and lucky. The gurus don’t tell you that for every Million-Dollar-Baby success story, there are countless people who bought Guru’s exhortations yet are still mumbling in their beer.

I’m tempted to attend some guru’s introductory workshop designed to up-sell attendees a long (read “expensive”) workshop and ask, “What percentage of your workshop attendees significantly improved their life as a result?” If the guru were honest, he’d probably say he doesn’t know—few gurus are brave enough to validly evaluate their exhortations’ and incantations’ efficacy. Or if she were professional enough to do so, based on my discussions with hundreds of career coaching clients and with my friends and colleagues, I know the efficacy rate would be low. Barbara Sher, one of the few self-help experts I respect, author of Wishcraft and the nugget-filled Barbara Sher’s Idea Book (www.geniuspress.com) agrees. “I ask my audiences, ‘How many of you have been actually helped by positive thinking?’ No one raises their hand.”

What has more often helped my clients increase their career and personal satisfaction?

· Get a family member or close friend to hire or refer you for a better job than you could land in the open market.

· Rather than a career change, consider a career tweak: delegate or outsource your job’s yucky parts, become an expert in a niche within your field, or change bosses or workplaces.

· Accept, at long last, that you’re paying too big a price for your laziness. Become aware of each moment you’re deciding whether to work or shirk, and more often choose to work.

· If you are, or suspect you have an emotional problem such as depression, bipolar or attention deficit disorder, consider having an expert evaluate whether you should try or change medication.

· Stop analyzing and start acting: take a low-risk step. An object at rest tends to stay at rest—the slacker syndrome.

· Develop a plan broken down into baby steps. Yes, I know that’s a cliché, but it works. Sher urges her clients to constantly ask themselves, “Does this get me closer to my goal or not?”

· Look better: lose weight, get nicer clothes, haircut, or makeup.

· Consider going back to school. I hate to recommend that because, if you’re self-motivated, mentorships and self-study can teach you more of value, faster, less expensively, and more conveniently, but most of my clients need school’s structure and the threat of a bad grade to motivate them.

· Run a simple business, perhaps one (or more!) you can run from home such as editing, tax preparing, tutoring, agenting, brokering, virtual assisting, or coaching. That too is a favorite Sher recommendation. She knows people who have become coaches specializing in: charisma, fashion, dinner parties, performance anxiety, writing, caring for newborns, decorating, organizing, and small business. Or make dolls and offer them at craft fairs, sell your to-die-for fudge to restaurants and caterers, sell gift baskets, flowers, and kids’ toys in the halls of corporations to busy workers who don’t have time to shop.

· Another recommendation Sher and I agree on: consider getting support. Many but not all people attain goals faster and more pleasurably with a buddy or “success team” to brainstorm with and report to weekly or even daily. Each session, after you get help, help the other person(s).

· We’re all capable of behaving better or worse. Decide to be your best self.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sometimes I wish I lived in Ancient Rome.Why?So that I could feed christians to the lions and watch them get torn to shreds as I sip on a cold beer in the summer sun.Most (note the word most) christians make my blood boil.
The first offending party are Jesus Jacket wearers?You know how when you go see your favourite football/soccer team play you would wear your team's strip so that people would know where you your allegiences lay.Well there are many christians who treat salvation like a weekend game and wear their salvation on Sundays.On that day they are the most spiritual exhuberant people that you meet but at the end of the day when they get home that's the end of that.These are the kind of people who do the same things that non-christians do, be it gossiping,lust,cheating,fornicating or stealing they do it.The only difference between you and them is that they go to church on Sunday.I am not being judgemental but the new testament says that you will know them by their fruit and in their cases I see nothing at all.GO JESUS TEAM WOO HOO!!!!
Next come what I call the shpiri folk coz they say the word spirit as shhhhhpirit.They do that with their eyes scrunched up in some sort of ecstatic stupor.These are the people who cry on the drop of a hat.They are also known for doing things like rolling on the ground and speaking in tongues.BTW quick Bible lesson for you out there, the tongues that people speak nowadays are counterfeit.When the Holy Spirit first came down in book of Acts to be specific Acts 2:6-12 Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language.And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galilaeans?And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?Parthians, and Medes, and Elamites, and the dwellers in Mesopotamia, and in Judaea, and Cappadocia, in Pontus, and Asia,Phrygia, and Pamphylia, in Egypt, and in the parts of Libya about Cyrene, and strangers of Rome, Jews and proselytes,Cretes and Arabians, we do hear them speak in our tongues the wonderful works of God.And they were all amazed, and were in doubt, saying one to another, What meaneth this? KJV.
Let me add a little to this lesson about tongues, Corinthians 13:8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
So point one if someone is speaking in tongues it should be a human tongue and how come there are loads of people who can speak them yet there is rarely someone to translate yet translation of tongues is one of the gifts?So any tongue speakers out there are on their own trip if you ask me.Anyway I haven't finished beating on this group because they always seem to be aware of what the devil is doing and how he is doing it.They will spew cow piss like, "the demons are being spread by clothes made by that company with that symbol,the devil is behind all these road accidents nowadays and the music that is on the radio is by devil worshippers."These are the kind of people who spend every moment looking out for attacks by the devil instead of being aware of what God is doing and what part they can play.Come to think of it these are the people who always have some sort of spiritual excuse for not doing something, they are so spiritually minded that they are of no earthly good.
The third group are those who think God is some cosmic atm,health dispenser and dream validator.They believe in what is known as the "health and wealth" gospel also known as the "name it and claim it" doctrine.The basic premise of this load of grade A manure is, believe with all your heart and soul, they tell the faithful. And give, give, give until you can't give any more.God, they say, loves a cheerful giver.They claim that the true Christian has only to ask for these things and they will be granted to them. By contrast if a Christian is not enjoying these benefits then it is because they either have not asked for them (thus denying themselves for no reason) or because they have some sin in their lives which is preventing God from blessing them (That is so so so so full of crap that I dont even know where to start in refuting it).Their churches tend to be big,have hundreds/thousands of followers, have a young/attractive congregation, engaging sermons and charismatic leaders.The present day flag bearers of this travesty are people like Creflo Dollar, Juanita Bynum, Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer. Joyce Meyer spends most of her three-day conferences on lessons in giving, and she is blunt when she addresses what the critics say about her seed-faith interpretation of the Bible. She says that those preachers who believe that to be godly is to be poor are the ones who have it wrong.( In my opinion one can be rich or poor and still be fulfiling God's purpose for their life ). Looking at a list of sermons by the golden boy Joel Osteen:
ENLARGE YOUR VISION
HOLDING ONTO YOUR DREAMS
FINANCIAL PROSPERITY
HOW VALUABLE YOU ARE IN GOD'S EYES
OVERCOMING THE GREATEST HINDRANCE TO HEALING
DEVELOPING MIRACLE-WORKING FAITH
FAITH TO CHANGE YOUR WORLD
BELIEVE GOD FOR THE GREATER WORKS
DO ALL YOU CAN DO TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE
LIVING A LIFE OF EXCELLENCE
DEVELOPING YOUR POTENTIAL
I see little their about getting rooted in the word, providing for your neighbour,fogiveness,getting closer to God,resisting temptation and other issues relevant to christians in their everyday walk with Christ.The book of Timothy puts it best,For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. (1 Timothy 6:10).In contrast to prosperity theology, sound biblical theology teaches that God does not have to do anything. God, the Creator of all things, is sovereign in all things, not the creature. God is not obligated to heal or prosper anyone, yet He graciously does, and neither is deserved. Someone has said: "healing is not a divine obligation, it is a divine gift". The receiver of the gift can make no demands. God can be trusted to do all things well.The unfortunate thing is that many people both abroad and in Kenya are falling for the teachings of these charlatans and think by giving till it hurts as Juanita Bynum says they will reap the riches of heaven on earth.When in reality they are concentrating on wealth at the expense of a relationship with God.Sometimes I stop being angry at the believers of this heresy and just pity them, don't fall for it God has a plan for your life and even though it may not involve Bill Gates' kind of money God still has your best interests at heart.
The third group is what I like to call the seals and parrots.These are the people who take everything that their pastor says as gospel truth and go ahead to repeat it like circus parrots.They come with the seals, these are those who like seals at the aquarium clap enthusiastically at everything the pastor says nodding their heads.Since the man/woman is on the podium according to them, they must be of God and all that they are saying is right and good.These people rarely ever compare what they are told against what the word says, they are the ones whom if you argue with tell you "My pastor said......" What your pastor said shouldnt come first, it's what the word says that should come first.Even in the New Testament Paul himself was impressed by the Bereans who studied all that he told them against the word to see if he was on the right path.That is how cults begin, when people do not have the sense to check what they are told against the best spiritual litmus paper on the market.....the Bible.It has been said that the Bible is the most bought but least read book.
The other people who make me sick are those christians who feel that it is their responsibility to drop sermons on you like anvils anytime and all the time so you can accept the Lord, and if you dont they consign you to burn in hell.First of all I find "pestimonies" that's what I call their long winded testimonies which are more like stories to me ; very tiring.The Bible talks of salvation shining like a lamp and not like a 6000W light bulb in the face at 4am.I think as a christian your lifestyle should be enough of a testimony.
Oh this just came to me!Why is it that christianity seems to be the least holistic religion?It seems to start and end in church.Muslims fast,try to feed the poor,give their bretheren interest free loans and most avoid alcohol (their religion is part of everyday life), jain hindus dont eat any food with animal products and do not kill any living thing whatsoever, most of them also practice yoga which is why many of them have good health,less stress and longer lives.Christianity in itself is a holistic religion but isnt practiced that way at all!God placed us to be stewards of the earth but it seems that most conservationists are new agers and not christians.Christians also seem to be poor stewards of on of the greatest resources that God gave them....the human body.But anyway like I said, so many christians are so spiritually minded that they are of no earthly good.
Don't get me wrong I don't expect christians to be perfect I know they are human like us and make mistakes.But there are those who act like they have halos and walk on air when in reality some of them are more sleazy then the rest of us Jimmy Swaggart anyone?The christians whom I respect are the ones who live their walk with Christ one day at a time, read their bibles everyday, pray, work and let their life be the best testimony possible.
GOD PLEASE SAVE ME FROM YOUR FOLLOWERS!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Dear readers.I had a spectacular post prepared but since some idiot did not pay the electricity bill in time the power was disconnected as I was putting my finishing touches on it.So the post has been lost, I have also learned the hard lesson that I must be saving my post after every few minutes.
Also, I believe that you can act the fool and skip on as many bills as possible and pay them late but never rent,power,gas and cable.When you can't handle those neccesities then you are beyond help!
Regular programming will resume tommorrow!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Sorry. But methinks that race relations are a far bigger issue then philandering cowboys.Better luck next time....